If you've ever been in a band, you've heard excuses.
Not reasons. Excuses.
Some are believable. Some are creative. Some make you question whether your bandmate should be allowed to operate heavy machinery.
Here are a few of our favorites.
"Sorry I'm late. I got stuck behind a funeral procession."
Crash: "For two hours?"
Band Member: "It was a very popular guy."
"I didn't learn the songs because I wanted to keep my performance spontaneous."
Translation: I forgot.
"I left my guitar at home."
Jerry: "You live five minutes away."
Band Member: "Yeah... but that's ten minutes round trip."
"I couldn't make rehearsal because my horoscope said to avoid creative conflict."
Bill: "Mine said I'd be surrounded by idiots."
"I practiced... just not our songs."
"I couldn't hear my metronome because I was wearing headphones."
Nobody knew how to respond to that one.
"I thought rehearsal was tomorrow."
It's amazing how tomorrow always seems to arrive whenever rehearsal is today.
"I would have been here sooner, but I stopped to help someone."
"Who?"
"Myself. I was hungry."
"I know the song. I just don't know which part I'm supposed to play."
A surprisingly common problem.
"I forgot there was a gig."
While standing on the stage.
"My amp doesn't work."
Bill: "Did you plug it in?"
"...That wasn't the problem."
"It is now."
"I didn't answer my phone because I was charging it."
"I couldn't find my pick."
Jerry hands him one.
"No... my pick."
"The new songs are too new."
"I was going to practice, but I didn't want to wear the songs out."
"I thought we were starting at eight."
Jerry: "We ARE."
"Then why is everyone here at six?"
"Because that's called setting up."
"I couldn't tune because my tuner battery died."
Jerry: "You have ears."
"Not good enough ones."
"I didn't know we changed the ending."
"We changed it six months ago."
"I've been meaning to catch up."
"I can't play tonight. I think my stage clothes shrunk."
Bill: "Funny... they only seem to shrink around the waist."
"I wasn't late. Everyone else was early."
"I thought someone else was bringing the PA."
Everyone thought someone else was bringing the PA.
The audience enjoyed a wonderful evening of unplugged silence.
Bill's Favorite Excuse
Bill looked around after everyone had shown up late, forgotten cables, missed cues, and blamed traffic.
"I've figured out why we're still an unsigned band."
Jerry asked, "Why?"
Bill sighed.
"Because apparently we're not even capable of organizing our own failure."
Sadly... nobody argued with him.
Bob Craypoe
Founder of Craypoe Productions and Creator of the Punksters Characters
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